I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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