my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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