is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
