I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
