I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
