Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
