I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was confusing and full of hummus
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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