Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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