I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
