so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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