i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
