is your mom at the bar?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
