I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
