i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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