There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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