So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
