Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
