I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
