I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
