Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
