I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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