i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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