what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
