So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
