I must be too annoying 4 u.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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