Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he puts the penis in happiness.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
