halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's like iHOP with fire
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
