Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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