Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You were trust falling into bushes
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
