I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
