Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
