3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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