I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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