Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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