Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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