Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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