I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
