All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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