I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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