I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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