guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
