:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
