made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
