I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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