oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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