Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
