He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
