you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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