Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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