We're facebook friends in real life
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
