I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
