I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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