there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
smell my finger.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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