I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
