I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
