Michael Bay diarrhea
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
