he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
please come you make the beer taste better
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
