for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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