Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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