Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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