Its about making memories worth repressing
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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