His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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