Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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