theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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