no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize