I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
