This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
where does the pee come out of this thing
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
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You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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