So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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