hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
