As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
