Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
