We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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