i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
