just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize